How to make female friends on facebook
Can women make friends through Facebook?
“University was really hard for me as I didn't make any friends. I had to leave my student halls and move back home – I just didn't click with anyone living in my halls or on my course,” says 21-year-old student Ella.
When Ella moved back home, she discovered her hometown pals were meeting up without her, which was crushing. Wary of people’s intentions and keeping her guard up, she struggled to bond with people IRL. She got used to being alone.
“That was until I met Izzy"
Izzy and Ella don't have the most typical girl-meets-girl story. They met in a private Facebook group called Truly Twenties, which young women are using to find friends. From women who've just moved to a new city, to people who’ve drifted apart from their old friends and are looking for a new girl-group, friendships are flourishing in the world of private Facebook forums.
Without school, clubs, or being forced together with one of your mum's friends' kids, making friends as an adult can be hard. It’s much easier to invite the girl sitting next to you in maths, or the kid from karate class home for tea than the stranger sitting beside you in Starbucks. In general, young people are a surprisingly lonely bunch. A survey released in 2018 found 40% of people aged 16-24 felt lonely ‘very often’.
"40% of people aged 16-24 feel lonely ‘very often’"
And the pandemic only exacerbated this, with a Harvard study showing young people were hit the hardest by loneliness during lockdowns. While making friends may not have been everyone’s top priority - considering the housing crisis and all the political unrest, to name a few - Facebook friendships flourished throughout the pandemic, and continue to now.
But apps like Bumble BFF, Friender and Peanut designed for forming friendships, why choose Facebook?
Who is even on Facebook anymore?Basically, everyone. We mistakenly associate Facebook with our nans sharing cat memes they don’t understand and typing ‘lol’ to say ‘lots of love’.
It’s apparent that Facebook is the least sexy of Mark Zuckerberg’s children. But with 2.85 billion active users, it remains the largest social media network in the world.
"Facebook is like that one ex we all have, unsexy but dependable"
In fact, people under 35 are the biggest Facebook fans, with 25-34-year-olds making up 24.9% of Facebook's overall UK users and 20.7% being Gen-Z. Whether we’d admit it or not, we’re still loyal to Facebook. It’s like that one ex we all have, unsexy but dependable.
Why is Facebook having such a resurgence for finding female friendships?
Facebook still has one feature the sparkly new social media don’t include: groups. Whilst TikTok allows duets and Twitter delivers news in milliseconds, the ability to join a private group of like-minded users in a private forum - whether you’re an avid hiker, beauty fanatic or Kpop obsessive - has always been Facebook's thing.
"On other platforms, people engage. On Facebook, they actually connect.”
Elle-Louise, founder of the Truly Twenties Facebook where Izzy and Ella met, says “Facebook is the most wholesome social media platform for me to be on. On other platforms, people engage. On Facebook, they actually connect.” Her Facebook group has amassed 17K members within less than a year.
The popularity of Facebook has blown her away. “I really didn’t think it would provide much for the brand [which aims to help people navigate being in their twenties] but people are making friends there! They're using Facebook to combat loneliness.”
Ezra BaileyGetty Images
While scrolling through Truly Twenties, Ella found a thread about pets, and posted a picture of her own dog, not thinking much of it. That was when Izzy messaged her “I think we could really bond over our dogs!”
And, they did. From there, they spoke every single day for eight months, finding they had more in common than just their pets.
“It was nice to find someone who is like me,” says Ella.
"It’s scary to think that if you turned off your phone, this world would disappear.”
Like Ella, 20-year-old student Oumy used Facebook groups to combat her loneliness. She longed for friends who were fangirls like her, so she joined a fangirl group when she was 13, where she could talk to others about her favourite artists. Oumy says being part of the Facebook group was a great thing for her: “friends IRL couldn’t understand my passion and I was scared to be judged by them. I needed to express my love for those artists and be with likeminded people.”
“When you feel down, you have people, friends that you can talk to and be super vulnerable with. You don’t have to see them the day after and feel awkward because you overshared," but it doesn’t come without doubts. "It’s scary to think that if you turned off your phone, this world would disappear.”
Whether you’re lonely because of Covid you’re not clicking with anyone at uni or you’ve outgrown your old friends, could Facebook be the answer to loneliness?
But can we actually turn these virtual friendships into IRL ones?With Izzy living in Somerset and Ella from Worcester, they decided to meet IRL in Bristol for lunch and a shopping trip.
“Initially I was nervous thinking would we get on in person like we do via messages,” says Ella. “But I knew she wouldn’t be a catfish at least, as we’d exchanged images and snapchat messages.”
They hit it off, and remain close friends ten months on. “I didn’t have to worry after all,” says Ella.
So, it’s possible to take these virtual relationships into the real world, just like you would with a Hinge match. But it’s always possible you could meet people who don’t pass the vibe check.
The Good BrigadeGetty Images
28-year-old marketing manager Faith joined a Facebook group to try to make friends more like her after her close-knit friends all started having children. She found a group of local girls and formed a WhatsApp chat. But, she knew they wouldn’t be besties. “Some have little boundaries, lashed out and reacted in difficult ways. One girl even asked us to pick her up at 3am when she was stranded, and we’d only been speaking for a short amount of time.” Faith told them they were being inappropriate, and their connection was soon over.
Just as you wouldn’t become best mates with everyone who shops in your local Tesco, the chances of becoming BFFs with someone you meet online are pretty slim. It requires a lot of work to transition successfully from virtual to real-life friends. That’s why Ella and Izzy are happy they let the friendship blossom online for so long before meeting.
It’s not all friendship forumsCyberbullying, trolling and catfishing all critical concerns within the online world. According to antibullysoftware.com, 87% of reported online cyberbullying cases occurred on Facebook. Whilst the platform does have a reporting process, it’s still a prevalent issue.
Ellan, a 24-year-old psychology graduate tried using Facebook groups to make friends, but says being autistic has led to cruel comments online. “Usually, people use laughing reactions to my posts or comments. Sometimes they post horrible comments.” She was even removed from one Facebook group after being bullied.
In some groups, the admins and moderators are really good at catching these issues, but others are less so.
"Facebook groups are a great place to find friendships. You just can’t expect constant positivity"
Many Facebook groups focus specifically on sensitive issues, aiming to provide a safe space for issues from eating disorders to OCD. While most people use these to connect with people in similar situations to them, 24-year-old dog grooming student Kelsey explains how sometimes this isn’t the case.
“Sometimes these groups can make you feel worse accidentally by offering reassurance for the anxiety, which if you have OCD, can actually cause more anxiety and heighten the condition.”
But overall, she still thinks Facebook groups are a great place to find support and friendships. You just can’t expect constant positivity. “Facebook has been great for finding helpful tools for mental health. Some people also make friends with them and form support bubbles.
”
While it’s not all rainbows and butterflies on Facebook (we’ve all seen the darkness that pops up on the app from time to time), it could be a great place to find your best friendships. Join communities that interest you and scout around for anyone who shares similar experiences, join discussions, and ask or share some advice. But if you do connect with someone and want to meet in person, incredible! But do so safely, preferably with a group in a public space, and always tell someone where you’re off to.
How to Chat With a Girl on Facebook Before Asking Her Out
Thanks to the internet, you no longer have to physically approach someone you're interested in to ask them out. Now, free dating apps can help you connect with potential mates and chat with them electronically.
But what happens if a girl catches your eye on Facebook? How do you start a conversation with a girl on Facebook and get to know her, without scaring her off?
Let's discuss some important advice about how to approach a girl on Facebook and increase your chances of going on a date.
1. Make Sure Your Facebook Profile Isn't Weird
Years ago, most people were quick to accept any Facebook friend requests that came their way. Now, thanks to regular Facebook scams and spammers, savvy users won't add people they don't know.
So before you even send a girl a friend request or start chatting, take a look at your own Facebook profile. Make sure you're using a clear photo of yourself and not some animated character or random picture of nature. If you have an inside joke as your middle name, change it so it doesn't look strange. Make sure your school and place of work are accurate so she can identify you.
She'll likely give your profile a look before she decides whether to accept your friend request, so make sure it represents you well.
2. Consider Your Approach for the First Message
Once you've cleaned up your profile, your next step is considering what your relationship with this girl is. How to best start a conversation with a girl on Facebook depends on how well you know her.
If she's a new girl you've never met before and have no connections with: Good luck. You might as well send her a friend request and hope for the best. If you send her a message it will likely end up in her filtered inbox, where she'll never see it. You don't have many options aside from sending her a request.
If you're not Facebook friends with her but you have mutual friends: Are there any pictures or something else interesting on Facebook that involve the two of you? Perhaps you both went to a festival with mutual friends and there's a picture that has both of you tagged in it. Commenting something general about the event on that photo will at least let her know you exist. Try doing something like that before you send her a friend request, so she has an idea of who you are.
If you're already Facebook friends with her: You should seriously consider asking her out via another method other than Facebook. If you're too nervous to do this, send her a message letting her know that you're headed to an event happening this weekend and you'd like her to come along.
Don't turn it into a "date" and don't put any pressure on the situation. Ideally, you should gather some friends to go, so it's a group of friends hanging out rather than a proper "date."
Nearly every situation will fall into one of these three scenarios. To ask a girl out on Facebook, you must have some kind of friend connection with her so she sees your messages. If you haven't sent her a friend request yet, it all falls on whether she accepts it or not.
3. How to Chat With a Girl on Facebook
Let's suppose that the girl you're crushing on decides to add you as a friend on Facebook. Now you're able to contact her through Messenger. Assuming she doesn't know you very well, your initial message should introduce yourself and assure her that you're not a spammer or a weirdo.
If you have mutual friends, start by mentioning who you both know, like this:
"Hi Molly, I'm Josh! Facebook told me that we both know Sarah Smith, and I remember talking to you once at a Smash Mouth concert.
Have you heard their newest album?"
This lets her know who you are because you have a mutual friend and discusses something that you're both interested in right away. It's a simple and effective first message, even for a girl you barely know.
Since you're now friends on Facebook, take a few minutes to review her profile and see what she's interested in. Check the various tabs under About her page to see what she went to school for and what her current job is. Some people add their favorite quotes, media, or random details about themselves in the Details about [Name] section, but this isn't too common.
Take a look at her recent photos to see what she's done lately. Anything you can learn about her that gives you something interesting to talk about is key.
How to Message a Girl on Facebook You Don't Know
If you're attempting to ask a girl out that you don't know, try something like this as your first message:
"Hi Haley! I'm Mike.
We haven't met, but your profile came up as a recommended friend in my Facebook feed and you caught my eye. I saw that your profile picture shows you at the Grand Canyon—is that the first time you've been there? I visited it with my family last year and it was one of the coolest places I've ever seen."
There's no guarantee something like this will work, but being honest is as good a strategy as any. If she responds, continue with a natural conversation. Don't be weird: just talk to her like a human being.
4. How to Ask a Girl Out on Facebook (Appropriately)
After you've chatted for a bit on Facebook, you should stop and gauge the interactions so far before proceeding. When you've messaged her, does she respond in a timely manner? Is there back-and-forth conversation, or do you tend to get one-word answers like "Yeah" and "OK"? Has she expressed any interest in you, or does it feel like she's simply putting up with you?
Consider these questions carefully.
If you've both had a great time talking and it seems like she'd be receptive to meeting up, give it a try. But if she doesn't seem interested when you're making pleasant conversation, it's likely that she isn't interested in a date.
At this point, if you don't want to ask her on a date just yet, try asking her for her phone number. That way, you can communicate through texting or a messaging app like WhatsApp. Using this, you can try talking more often throughout the day instead of using only Facebook.
Should you sense an interest after a bit of chatting on another platform, you can try asking her out via a phone call instead of Facebook. That should have better results and is more personal.
The Big Moment: Asking Her Out
If you want to forgo all of this and ask a girl out (or perhaps "toast" or "gist" a girl, as some say) on Facebook now, phrase the question tastefully. People know that others on the internet aren't always who they seem, so you don't want to do anything strange.
For instance, you certainly don't want to ask her to go to some remote location with you alone. You can suggest spending time in a group similar to the above, or try something like this pretty safe request:
"Norah, I've really enjoyed chatting with you over these past few weeks and I'd love to take you on a date. What do you think about meeting for coffee at the Starbucks on Oak Avenue this Saturday afternoon?"
Note two important facets of this: meeting in a public place, and giving a specific time for a date. You don't want to ask her to go up to your grandparents' cabin in the woods with you for a weekend, as that's creepy.
It's also important to avoid generalizations when it comes to the details of the date. Don't leave it open to "hang out sometime." Instead, mention a specific date and time frame so she can give you a straight answer. Make it clear that this is a date and you're interested in being more than friends.
Possible Responses After You Ask Her Out
After you ask her out on Facebook, it could play out in a few ways:
- She deletes you as a friend and/or blocks you.
Should your request bother her so much that she decides to remove you as a friend, you need to let it go and move on. Don't complain to your mutual friends about her or try to conjure up some scenario to talk to her again. - She doesn't respond. If this is the case, wait a few days; don't obsessively look for a response. After some time, check Messenger to make sure that she saw your message and isn't away on vacation or something. If she's seen it but hasn't responded, you can follow up one time: "Hey Norah, I just wanted to check to make sure you saw my message above!" A lack of response to this means that she's not interested. Do not attempt to contact her again; leave her alone.
- She says no. Don't argue or ask why. You can say something along the lines of "No problem, just thought I'd see if you were interested!" Then it's up to you whether you continue chatting with her as friends or not. If you try to continue making conversation and she seems distant, it's probably best to move on.
- She gives you a vague answer or excuse. Sometimes, to "let you down easy," girls won't give you a straight "no" when you ask them out. Instead, they'll provide an excuse, which can leave you wondering if you should pursue the matter further. In this case, you should follow the Brad Pitt Rule:
- She accepts. If she says she'd be delighted to go, that's great! Confirm the details with her so you're on the same page. You should also ask for her phone number (if you don't have it already) so you can get ahold of her if something happens on the day of the date.
5. How to Talk to Girls on Facebook: A Few No-Nos
We've walked through the steps and potential pitfalls of asking a girl out on Facebook. To finish up, let's discuss some methods you should avoid. Trying to get a girl's attention with these will make you look like an idiot, cause her to feel uncomfortable, and not end well at all:
- Don't send boring and generic messages.
Don't make your first message to the girl you're interested in "Hey." Not only is this boring and tells her nothing about you, but it could also make her think you're an online dating scammer. Be unique—she's worth more than an introduction you came up with in two seconds. - DO NOT ask a girl out through public means. Aside from Messenger, almost everything you do on Facebook is visible to others. Never, ever try to flirt with a girl or ask her out via a status update, posting on her timeline, leaving a comment on her photo, etc. It's ridiculously childish, will embarrass her, and people will wonder what the heck you're doing. Asking through Facebook is already easier than in person, so don't be a coward.
- Don't be creepy. This one is pretty self-explanatory. Don't comment on dozens of her photos in a row. Send messages sparingly. Avoid using stupid pick-up lines. And never make any crude or sexual comments. They're not funny and make you look like a teenager.
- Don't act like your life depends on this. Be casual about the experience. You're just talking to a person, and there will be plenty more opportunities to date people if she's not interested.
- Under no circumstances should you "poke" her on Facebook. We're not sure why this feature still exists. Don't use it to flirt.
Have You Ever Asked a Girl Out on Facebook?
We've walked through a start-to-finish guide to approaching a girl on Facebook, chatting with her, and asking her out on a date. While it's possible to do, it's not the best method.
We recommend that you use any other available method at your disposal to ask a girl out that you're interested in. If you have her phone number, give her a call. Ask a mutual friend to introduce you in person. Messaging on Facebook is decent for getting to know basic details about someone, but it comes with a lot of drawbacks. Keep that in mind when you decide to message a girl on Facebook.
If Facebook doesn't work out, there are plenty of online dating services where you'll probably have better results.
5 tips on how to get acquainted on VKontakte and Facebook
Psychology
Who said that for a relationship, or rather, for dating, you need a "real" contact? Ever since the advent of social media, this formerly ironclad rule has been broken. Today, thousands of people find their happiness online. How to get acquainted in VK, for example, is a whole science in our time. Social networks, of course, are fraught with many nuances, but they still need to be thanked for their existence: they greatly increased the chances of those who find it difficult to find a soul mate to arrange their personal lives. nine0003
Two different in style and perhaps the most popular networks are VKontakte and Facebook (an extremist organization banned in Russia). We will consider them as a dating tool. So, how do acquaintances take place on VKontakte and Facebook (an extremist organization banned in Russia).
Despite the noticeable difference in the audience, the approach to finding and building relationships is the same.
1. Prepare your page. Let it not be sterile, but not capable of causing fear or doubt. Be sure to have a photo, otherwise the credibility of you at the very beginning will be undermined. When designing a page, follow the measure: you should not prescribe everything thoroughly, clogging the "air" with hundreds of photos and all the books that you love. However, little information is also not very good. And most importantly, when forming a page, be honest with yourself, do not sculpt an ideal image, as a result, this may come back to haunt you later. nine0003
2. The “first like” rule works with both girls and guys. We chose the one who interested you, read his posts or reposts, looked at the photo - and go ahead, put the same cherished like. It is also important to observe the measure: do not like a photo buried deep on the page of the object of your choice, as such a thorough interest can frighten.
Choose a picture not the first one that comes across, but at least the third or fourth - this will be quite normal.
3. Liked? Wait a day. nine0012 No reaction (which may well be - after all, your object should not instantly respond to everything in a row) - leave your comment under one of the posts or pictures. It is better to integrate into the current discussion or discussion under something fresh, the same post, for example. It is quite possible that the correspondence will start in this way.
4. Be kind and yet discreet. No, you don't have to be completely cold, but the distance should be slightly, but felt. Be careful, even if you are eager to fight and are ready to run on a date right now. Communicate, get to know the person - unless, of course, he shows interest in regular communication, if you are also interesting to him. Likes your posts or photos, knocks on friends - this is a small, but success. Social networks, minus a number of subtleties and potential difficulties, are definitely a good opportunity to get to know each other in concentrated communication, in correspondence.
Take advantage of this opportunity. nine0003
5. There is one more option how to get acquainted in VKontakte , and it applies primarily to this social network. If you didn’t find someone specifically who you like, or you found, but this object of yours is actively “grazing” in some kind of public, enter into active correspondence and discussion there. Not with him, but in general - within the framework of posts. So you, lit up, can arouse interest in yourself and attract someone or interest that very one - your potential hero.
And a couple more nuances. Keep track of how often your object visits the networks, and take this into account. Because if he is rarely there, then you should not expect a quick response to your same first like. But if, by starting to communicate with you, he increases the frequency of being online, you can record this in your asset. Also keep in mind from the very beginning that distances, of course, only increase feelings, but also create serious problems.
Therefore, if you live in Moscow, and your person of interest is on the other side of the country, think carefully about what this is fraught with. Of course, you should not immediately refuse to communicate, but this factor must be taken into account. So that later it would not be “excruciatingly painful” from the inability to just leave the house and go on that very long-awaited date ...
Kuzmichev Igor
Tags
- Psychology
Frequency of interaction, long-standing communications and the share of randomness - Social networks on vc.ru
The vc.ru editorial publishes selective excerpts from the publication in the publication Motherboard, journalist Megan Neal lists of friends on Facebook, talking with representatives of the social network and conducting a series of experiments.
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Each of us has experienced this confusing situation - Facebook puts in a table with a list of friends a random school acquaintance with whom you have not spoken for ten years, or a former colleague from a previous job, whose existence you have long forgotten.
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My boyfriend uses Facebook, but neither he nor I have ever interacted on the social network, except for a few joint activities. No photos, comments, likes, tags, marital status. However, when I asked him to go to his own page (for research purposes), in the friends column on the left, where only nine people were displayed, it was me, and in the very first square.
And what was his reaction? "It's because you're following me, stop doing it!". nine0003
How Facebook ranks friends is a real mystery, and a very disturbing one. Most of us don't quantify people, but in this case, a mysterious algorithm does it for us and we have no control over it.
Who is “chasing” whom is one of the most personal and vulnerable components of the information held by the social network. In addition, social media generates a kind of premonition that if you have had little interaction with someone who is at the top of your friends list, then he is following you. It turns out that those whose page you yourself often visit can also understand this.
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Google search results reveal a lot of troubling questions on Quora and Reddit about how Facebook builds its friend list.
People are afraid that the rating may signal a one-sided relationship, get upset that they see someone they don’t like on the page, panic because of the thought that their secret feelings can be revealed, and someone begins to suspect a lover of betrayal when he sees some cutie in his top friends.
“A girl asked me about a few other friends in the top 9. I tell her that I rarely talk to them and have no idea why they pop up there, ”complained one Reddit user. “My ex is in the second position there, although we have not spoken since December, and I have not checked her profile since then. I used to correspond with a bunch of people, but why exactly is she still there? ”, Asked another visitor to the site.
There is no way to get exact answers to these questions because the details of Facebook's algorithms are classified. But we know about some factors that influence the formation of friends in the list, so we can turn to them for tips.
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There are several places that display Facebook friends. If you click on the list of friends, then the people with whom we interact most often will appear at the top. Another sample is displayed in the sidebar on the left. The third group of users is collected for the chat list and is located on the right. Some names are displayed in the search bar when you click on it:
The social network also distributes friends according to categories: close friends, family, colleagues, classmates, and so on. Some lists are generated automatically based on where you live or work. It is assumed that the user should define the category "close friends" for himself, while Facebook itself offers to add some people there. nine0003
But what worries me the most is the table with nine friends on the left. According to the social network, this is a group of relevant users gathered as a hint. In other words, these are the people that the social network subtly encourages you to interact with.
And if someone else visits your page, then he sees in this square users whom he already knows and who he might want to chat with.
Such a strategy makes sense for the advertising business model of a social network - to connect as many users as possible and make them interact with each other. nine0003
Algorithms calculate how often and how long you have been in contact with other people. Therefore, the appearance of a random girl from a university in this square means that the social network is pushing you to communicate with those with whom you have not spoken for a long time, but at the same time you have known each other for a long time. It might also include people you've "befriended" recently, or people who've just posted new posts or photos.
And sometimes they are just random people.
Facebook's algorithms are constantly evolving - this is the company's secret sauce for pushing new features. nine0003
Two years ago, the social network used the Edgerank algorithm, which took into account three factors to determine social proximity: how often users interact with each other, for how long, and exactly how.
Today's formula is more complex. It uses machine learning technology and takes into account thousands of different data. But assuming the core functions remain the same, the system is likely to give different weights to interactions depending on their types. Being in a photo with a user or attending events with them are the best indicators of close communication, as opposed to “likes” and comments. nine0003
You can get a better idea of the algorithms by scrolling down the page with your timeline. Facebook tracks and records everything you do on the site, so with a deep analysis, you can notice these minor interactions that you probably forgot about a long time ago. Then there will be a connection between the people on the profile page and your actions in the past.
Facebook has always claimed that its ranking algorithms only take into account public interactions, so you shouldn't look for answers to questions in private messages or viewing other people's profiles.
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“We use different classifications for different divisions (for friends on the profile page, for the chat list, and so on). For each of them, we develop the most suitable ranking, but we do not use private information ... ".
However, the issue of secret persecution continues to worry Facebook users. I created a fake account on purpose and "befriended" my real self, after which I started virtual stalking my real page for a few days. However, the fake friend never showed up on any of my social media lists. nine0003
I also did some other experiments. When I, for example, tagged people in a photo or they tagged me, those users moved up in the lists. If we stopped interacting with each other, they lost several positions in these groups.
Some things did surprise me. I realized that Facebook encourages me to add to the category of "close friends" those people whose pages I often visit. Their names also appeared in the search bar when I entered the first letter (obviously, this list displays people with whom you are not “friends”, but whose pages you visited recently).
